Stye in your eye?!

According to my growing up, styes come from dogs. Oh yes! All it took was for you to watch them take a poop and bam! A stye in your eye! (Unfortunately, it was not for you to decide which eye.)

You might think "I'm doomed to pink, gooey volcanoes erupting from my eyes for the rest of my life!" But don't be discouraged my dear readers, all is not lost. In order to prevent styes, all you have to do is 1) not look at your (or a) dog while it's pooping and/or 2) The magic weapons: your hands! All you need to do is this (make sure you add some force to that finger grip):

Through telepathy, you can tighten the dog's butt hole. The tighter your grip, the harder it becomes for the dog to poop. Hence, no poop, thus no stye!!! 

Yours Truly,

MGT