San Antonio y su Niño (St. Anthony and his child)

San Antonio de Padua (St. Anthony of Padua), has become the patron saint of all single women desperately looking for their life-long partner. For many years now, (predominantly Mexican) women have gone to San Antonio hoping he will listen to their prayers and find them a man!! (Although men have been known to do this as well.) Countless women have given their testimony on the miracles of San Antonio and will do so again, at any time. Many have even visited the city of San Antonio in Michoacán, Mexíco in hopes that developing a closer connection to this love saint may result in a quicker answer to their prayers.

How do you get in on this you say?? Well today, you're in luck! After years of extensive research, my team and I have deciphered the perfect combination to get that miracle you so anticipate and now we will reveal this long kept cultural secret, all for the price of $FREE-99!! (:

Before you begin, please compile the following items:
San Antonio's novena
A figurine of San Antonio, but make sure Baby Jesus is removable
Veladora (Candle. You know candles are always involved in these things)
Thin rope or twine
13 coins of the same denomination.
and a whole lot of will power!!

Step one:
Wherever you have set your San Antonio figurine, take your 13 coins and place them in front of him as an offering.

Step two:
Pray the following


San Antonio Bendito que al monte fuiste, el rosario y el silabario perdiste, te encontraste con Jesús, quien te consoló y tres virtudes te dio:

- Que lo olvidado se recordará,
- Que lo perdido se encontrará y
- Que lo alejado se acercará…”


Translation: Blessed St. Anthony who went to the Mount and lost the rosary and the syllabary, you met with Jesus, who consoled you and gave you three virtues:


-That the forgotten will be remembered
-That the lost will be found and
-That the distant will return


Step three: 
Light the candle


Step four:
Remove Baby Jesus...take him away! And do it like you mean it! Yes, I know this sounds evil, inhumane and borderline sacrilegious. However, if you want St. Antonio to act quickly, you have to take that child!
Note: Where you put him is entirely up to you. Some simply put Baby Jesus next to San Antonio, where he can see him, but not hold him. A friend, who will remain nameless, once told me she placed San Antonio on one side of her room and took Baby Jesus to the other end of her room and hid him in one of her drawers where he couldn't be seen. She defended herself stating, "desperate means calls for desperate measures." Indeed. 


Step five: 
Begin the first day of the Novena for San Antonio. 


If by the end of the ninth day of the novena you've had no luck, this is when things really get desperate. Pay close attention...


Sixth and final step:
Take your San Antonio figurine and turn him on his head. Yes, you've heard right, turn that righteous man upside down. (At this point you can use your twine or thin rope to hang 'em upside down so you don't knock him over.)
No one, not even San Antonio wants to be upside down. Do this and I guarantee you he will answer your prayers!!


There you go! All the tools and knowledge you need to get your prince (or princess) charming. 
Go get 'em Tiger!! Rarrr!